When you're on your way home from a party, do you find that you're still thinking about a joke you made that didn't quite land? Or maybe you're fixated on how the host bought a shockingly low amount of food for how many people they invited.
Thoughts like these can turn a perfectly pleasant gathering into a source of anxiety or frustration for days to come.
This tendency to focus more on the negative aspects of ourselves and others, as opposed to the positive or even neutral ones, is called negativity bias. It can chip away at our self-esteem and even make us illogical in our scrutiny of our friends and family.
One way to curb this is by meditating, Oren Jay Sofer said as a guest on the podcast "Ten Percent Happier."
"Meditation can help us to balance that negativity bias by appreciating the goodness that is already here and available in life," Jay Sofer said. "When we uplift the heart, even a little, we have more energy and strength to devote to the things we care about."
Here is a 3-step meditation that can help you build a more positive outlook.
1. Appreciate your breath
First, find a comfortable position where you feel "at ease and alert," Jay Sofer said. Close your eyes and direct your attention inwards.
Take a few deep, slow breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then take some time to appreciate this involuntary action.
"Each breath is a gift freely given," Jay Sofer said. "We don't have to do anything to earn or deserve it. Just wait and the body breathes in. It fills with new life."
Notice what it's like to think about each breath as a gift, he said.
2. Think of something kind
Remember a time when someone did something nice for you or in front of you.
"Let that moment or person come to mind and let your attention linger there for a bit," he said. "Notice any feelings or sensations of ease or pleasure, however small, and really let that in."
Savor this moment, he said.
3. Notice your own goodness
Now, it's your turn. Think of a quality you value about yourself, or perhaps a quality you'd like to strengthen in yourself.
"It's so easy to focus on our faults," he said. "Instead, see what it's like to bring to mind one thing that you appreciate about yourself."
Finally, open your eyes and notice how you feel.
"Uplifting the heart isn't about avoiding what's difficult or pretending everything is okay if it isn't," Jay Sofer said. "It's about noticing the things we ordinarily take for granted and allowing them to nourish us."
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